Knock
by L122yTorch
Summary: Olivia's nightmare with Lewis isn't over - it's going to trial. She keeps expecting Elliot to pop back into her life and save the day…but those expectations are unqualified and unrealistic. Right? *SPOILER WARNING* Mentions of events that happen in current season. *TRIGGER WARNING* Olivia has a lot of feelings, so just…know that.


Olivia knew it was ridiculous, but she kept hoping…waiting…for Elliot to show up in her life.

To knock on her door or send her a text or show up at the courthouse. But he didn't. She shouldn't be…but she was…disappointed.

She was attacked. It was on the news. And now the nightmare was going to trial.

At night she would lie awake in bed, staring up at the shadow-enveloped ceiling, unable to get more than three hours of sleep. Dark circles formed beneath her beautiful hazelnut eyes, and in the morning when she looked in the mirror, all she saw in her face was a cacophony of sadness and anger.

With a huff she turned on the water. It was freezing cold, but she splashed it onto her face anyway. It stung at her skin and grounded her in the moment, taking away, if only for a split second, the anxiety she harbored over facing her attacker in court later that day.

Slippery hands braced both sides of the sink. She gripped it like it was a lifeboat. A sudden urge to cry sprang up in her chest, but she pushed it back down and walked out the bathroom.

Needless to say, the press was present for this circus act. The courtroom was full of empty stares from jurors and lawyers and cops and strangers.

It felt so surreal, walking up to take the stand. Staring at the back of that sicko's head. Waiting for it to turn, anticipating the face that haunted her dreams. That sick smile…she wanted to blow it off his face, but she couldn't pull the trigger.

She thought about calling Elliot that day. But she knew that she'd be ending his future if he picked up the phone. If he knew…if he came…he would have tortured Lewis, he would have murdered him. And she couldn't take her partn…her friend's... future away.

So she gulped down her panic and indecision and beat Lewis until he lay on the floor, a crumpled pile of red wet flesh.

Unbidden images swam through her mind, made her stomach turn, but finally, she reached the stand. She swore an oath of truth and took a seat, trying to avoid Lewis' gaze, but failing.

He looked sly, mischievous, absolutely gleeful to be there, staring down Olivia, trying to intimidate her.

She looked around the courtroom and saw Amarro and Barba. No Elliot. And for once she was grateful that he wasn't there when she nearly expected him to be. She didn't want him to hear the details, to watch her face as she tried to reign in the emotions that stemmed from the most horrific thing she'd ever endured.

As she recounted the events and answered the questions that were asked of her…she could feel the pitying eyes of everyone in the room prying her open. That's what she hated most about the whole ordeal…feeling like a victim.

After recess was called, Liv escaped the courtroom and made a b-line for the bathroom, where she promptly threw up. Again she threw cold water over her face and leaned over the sink panting. She remembered her hair falling into her own sink. Trying to cut off the parts of her mind and soul that were newly damaged, but all she got out of it was a new hairdo.

She stayed in the bathroom for a long time before walking out on wobbly feet.

Amarro was waiting for her the whole time, leaning against the courthouse walls, still beating himself up for not being at the right place at the right time.

"Liv…" he said, relieved as his partner emerged. His lips parted in preparation for words that wouldn't come out. "It's okay," she said in a broken voice that sounded foreign. "I'm okay."

"The hell you are," he responded in a near whisper, his hands on her upper shoulders in a soothing manner. "Let me take you home."

Cassidy was on duty and Liv was grateful. He had offered several times to stay, but she prompted him to go. She needed time alone, time to process, time to drink copious amounts of wine.

She was on her second glass, completely drowning in a self pity that disgusted her, when there was a knock on the door. It startled her out of contemplation and made her heart skip a beat or two.

She grabbed her gun.

Slowly she walked towards the door, taking deep breaths along the way.

She looked through the peep hole and nearly dropped her gun.

It was Elliot.


End file.
